Adventures of a Family

Lots of thoughts as we reach the one month mark. Things are still pretty difficult..Jonah's sleep patterns have not organized themselves yet, so still we continue the erratic all night feedings. Some days I feel trapped and unhappy, other days I handle things well. I'm finding that it is vital to speak with other women and moms, get out of the house, eat some ice cream. Things still do not feel anywhere near normal which is difficult for any human-as we find comfort in our routines and day to day banalities. I'm learning just how much I found comfort in them. At the same time, though, Michael and I were ready for a new chapter in our lives and we sure did get what we asked for:) Today I was thinking that although I have always been a person who challenged herself, that this is by far the most difficult thing I have ever undertaken. And no one prepared me for how difficult it would be. In fact today I was feeling a bit like a failure because it seems that everyone else handl...

Today Hallie, Jonah and I worked in the yard on a beautiful Portland Spring Preview day. I shoveled dirt, planted ground cover, tilled the soil, added compost, sowed lettuce, onion, kale, cilantro, spinach, sweat peas, and nasturium ate a cookie (sorry Jonah for the crumbs in your hair) and drank a milkshake (Hallie is breastfeeding and needs the extra calories. I don't want her to feel lonely drinking milkshakes by herself) all with Jonah strapped into the Baby Bjorn. I wish every day could be as wonderful as today was.

It seems that things have started to settle down at least a bit. What I mean by that I suppose is that I am getting accustomed to the all night feedings. I actually consider it a good night's sleep now if the little guy doesn't wake up earlier that every three hours. Somehow I am able to rest in those little spurts. And this from the girl who felt deprived and pissed if I got less than 9 hours of sleep in a row. Don't really understand how that happened. I'm having a hard time thinking about or watching anything related to children in trouble, or children in abusive situations...I just think about my little guy in that situation and I want to cry. My Mom was saying the other day how wonderful it is that Jonah was born into a family who care for him, and love him, wrap him in a blanket and keep him warm and fed. The thought of him being unhappy makes me miserable. In other news, I made my first attempt at publicly breastfeeding at a crappy Jack in the Box in a crappy are...

So you go through this amazing, surreal, frightening, primal, other-worldly experience. You stay in the hospital for the next day or two being served meals, checked on by nurse, midwife, nurse practitioner , pediatrician, infant nurse, plumber, electrician... you get the idea. And then there like, "Okay. You can go now." They're nice about it, and really, it is time to get on home, but then you realize what that means; "They are actually letting us leave as a family of three when we only came here as a couple. I feel kind of light-headed, is my forehead sweating? I don't know what the hell to do and I read a bunch of damn books...." You get the idea. And there is the problem; BOOKS. I'm a teacher. I love reading, I promote it, I think I can say that I use books every single day of my life. I don't think I am going to feel bad about saying this, Sometimes reading too much about one topic can be a mistake. I have used books to learn to bui...

When I spoke with friends and acquaintances that were already fathers, they all had the exact same things to say, "It is amazing!" and "Your life is going to change!" Fine, I can accept that I thought. I like amazing surprises and experiences. The second comment always seemed to ambiguous to really consider let alone take to heart, so no worries there. Of course, the first week and a half with Jonah and mom has been amazing ; watching his eyes stay open a bit more each day the reflexive actions of his facial muscles constantly trying out new expressions for later use (of course every time a smile happens I think he smiled AT me when really he would have done that if I wasn't there. But still, it is pretty amazing to see) cooing sounds as he drifts off to sleep his sneezes and hiccups and the way they tire out his little body his 3:30 - 4pm awake time where he gets placed on his belly and we tap out the rhythm of 8-9 songs on his back and feet. The way he ge...

In all the copious amounts of information about pregnancy, birth, and childcare that I have been reading, really nowhere does it quite prepare you for that first week postpartum. So I hope to shed some light on this topic for all of you out there thinking about having your own little one. You know all those smiley happy photos you see of new parents..well that's maybe a tiny percentace of what is actually going on in that household-I'll bet you anything. First of all, today is the 10th day of little Jonah's life. That means that I have fed him about 100 times. That's me, the lone source of food, the only person in the entire universe who can feed this kid. Can you imagine? At this point we can't really travel anywhere except on short excursions-because he's so little, and also, honestly, because I have no idea how to discreetly breastfeed a baby in public (yet another thing Jonah and I will learn together). So here we are at home. Second-crazy hormonal shif...

I won't bore you with all the gory details of the birth...but give a few impressions and memories. I will start by saying that things turned out the opposite of how we had planned. I never seemed to get that gradual build up you're supposed to get..contractions just hit me head on and quickly from the beginning. We were planning to go all natural..but after 16 hours of intense pain from our little Jonah being positioned "sunny side up," it was time to surrender to the gods of modern medicine. It absolutely felt like the right thing to do. I thought I would feel disappointed about using an epidural, but now I do believe that I used it the right way for me. I allowed my body to labor naturally for a long long time-longer I'm sure than lots of people could have, but it wasn't working and I was suffering. After I had received some relief, the night still went on and on. The dipping heart beat of my baby, pitocin to speed things up, the OBGYN on call to see if I ...

Today we went to the pediatrician for Jonah's very first doctor appointment. I got him up and changed his DIAPER #1 and Hallie began to feed him. He finished feeding and I changed him again DIAPER #2. We got him into the car seat and into the vehicle for the ride over. After filling out 15 forms with the EXACT same information on them as we have been filling out for the past 9 months, we were brought into the room by the nurse. She asked that I strip him down so he could be weighed. DIAPER #3. He weighed in at 7 ounces over his birth weight, which really shocked the nurse as it usually takes about two weeks to regain their birth weight as they use up to 10% of their weight a day or two after birth. So, I put on another diaper and begin to put back on his clothes. "Wow!!! He is smiling at me with a funny little smile." I think to myself. Nope. Not a smile, just a little indication that I needed to change DIAPER #4. That made 4 diapers in about 1 hour and 15 ...

Grandpa Clark Grandpa Diltz Grandma Diltz Grandma Clark Auntie Kealie NOT PICTURED Auntie Deanna and Uncle Ryan Grandpa Clark

I have no plans to hold my baby up as the next savior, there already seems to be plenty of others out there right now saying so about themselves (type Bush and Messiah in google and be stunned) and I am pretty certain that Bhudda, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, Mohammed, Cesar Chavez, Subcomandante Marcos and many others I am neglecting would never have said so about themselves. Anyway, the title of this post is because of what little Jonah has brought to our world in less than a week of life outside the womb. For me, religion went hand in hand with giving thanks. I don't practice the religion of my youth but haven't forgot that "giving thanks" was a part of life either. However, seeing Jonah breath, flail, cry, poo, eat and generally struggle to understand this new world has made all of the things I am and have been thankful for over my life flood into my thoughts. So, in a way my little Jonah, and each life, new and old, has the ability to make someone t...

Born at 6:57 am on March 6, 2007 after 30 hours of labor. He is healthy and likes to poop but doesn't like getting diaper changes. Hallie is feeling much better and looks wonderful. Life is wonderful and I feel happier than I have ever felt in my life. Tired, but elated.

Watching Hallie in pain was the most heart aching moment of my life. I could not take that pain away, only support her in whatever way possible. Afterward, Hallie said that she can't understand why no one explained the pain accurately. She summarized it as this, "It is like the worst menstrual cramp I have ever had.... times 500." Now I don't know what a menstrual cramp feels like so I can't really offer any meaningful words about the her pain. I can however, offer any man who loves his wife, and is going to have a baby together, some advice: 1. You will cry when you look into her eyes and have an idea of the pain she feels. 2. You will try absolutely anything and everything to help... but it won't really work the way you'd hoped. 3. Your presence is so important and valued. 4. You will be exhausted. Don't use caffeine to help you through this though. It will only put you on edge and possibly make you imagine you have super powers. I had ha...